Deployment Diary - Month One

The night before you left, we curled up on the couch for a long family cuddle. Sadness was in our hearts, tears in our eyes, and fear of the unknown on our minds, but we curled in tight together, and smiled at the camera. I look at this photo often, and think of why we chose to smile that night. Maybe it was so we could look back and remember being happy, maybe it was because thats just what you do for a picture...but I look at that picture every day as inspiration to smile while you're gone.

This month has been hard. It's been 4 weeks of trying to figure out how to function missing a quarter of our foursome. There's been tears, anger, tummy aches, and frustration. Murphy's law rules our home with broken down equipment, ER visits, wasp infestations, things we never thought of needing to be dealt with. Nights are long and often sleepless. We're tired, and lonely, and sad....but we're still smiling.

Your 4 year old is taking her role of family comedian very seriously. She misses you terribly, and sees that we do too. In a heavy moment, she'll take a deep breath, flash her gorgeous smile, laugh her infections giggle, start to walk like a penguin and invite us to join her in a moment of happiness. Our "baby" knows that laughter is truly medicine for the soul, and so she smiles.









Our sweet and sensitive 5 year old got her world rocked when you left. She carries a heavy load that she's not sure how to deal with, but welcomes the opportunity to make others smile. She's my little helper. Always asking what she can do, how she can help. And when I give her a task...any way to feel needed or appreciated....she smiles.








And me....I'm exhausted. It's hard trying to fill your shoes. I'm dealing with 3 lonely hearts, an acre's worth of house and yard chores, end of year schedules, and illness.  But thankfully I have plenty of reason to smile. I get to watch our daughter's best qualities emerge from their stress and sadness....two girls who want nothing more than to make someone else feel better. Our little military brats already know the value of service. My heart is full of pride. I have a powerful support...friends who know me well enough not to ask if theres anything they can do (because they know I'll say no) and have gone way above and beyond to make us all feel loved and taken care of. And so, I smile.

 The biggest challenge of this month has been learning the dichotomy of the sadness in feeling such a loss, and a need and desire to put a smile on our faces. I'm learning that a genuine smile and heartache can coexist. We're making a conscious effort to choose to smile every day. And for making it through the first month of deployment, I'd say we deserve it!  We miss you! Sending you all of our love and smiles.  1 down, 5 to go!

Mini Me

In recent months, my daughter has taken to looking pretty much just like me. It wasn't always that way. Right out of the womb she looked just like Dan:




















As she's grown, her cheeks have gotten larger to mimic mine, her chin is shaped the same way.....so much so that Dan has started to call Lucy Mini Sarah, and lovingly gives me the nickname Big Lucy.

So this week, I've started noticing some other things/quirks that she may have "inherited" from her mother.
One - It's mosquito season, and instead of having gotten her fathers blood, which is apparently poison for mosquitoes (he never gets a single bite) she instead got mine...which is just sweet nectar and will attract those little blood suckers from 100 miles away. The poor thing is covered! And honestly, what can you do for a poor baby with bug bites? I just put a damp wash cloth on the bites and hope it alleviates the itching....just a little bit.
Two - Shes getting stubborn!! (To my dear parents, who wished upon me a girl with as strong a will as I had....well, you got your wish). She HATES getting her diaper changed. Changing her on the changing table has become a circus act, as Lucy does flips and rolls to get out from under my grip, and away from the evil diaper. So I've taken to changing her on the floor, which usually ends up with me chasing naked baby butt around the room, and doing a sneak attack change as shes pulls herself up on the bookshelf. May I present exhibit A:




But, as much as she looks/acts like me....there are some things she gets from Dan. See that cute tush? That, she got from her father :-)

"You're not from around here are you?"

So in the last day Dan and I have booked our plane tickets, rental car, and hotel for our house hunting trip to Altus. We've booked our hotel rooms for our road tip when we move. Today, it was my job to call the veterinarian in Altus, and get Gus all set up to get circumcised. So I called the one vet in town and crossed my fingers that their price would be good and they'd have an opening.

Heres how the convo went:

Me "I have a golden doodle that needs to be neuterd."
Vet "Well, how much does he weigh, because it costs more if we need more anesthesia"
Me "um, 60 pounds ish"
Vet "Well then it will be $105"
Me " Ok how much for the rest of it?"
Vet "Um, what do you mean?
Me "Well, $105 for the anesthesia, how much for the rest"
Vet "Youre not from around here are you?"

$105 for the whole thing?????? Around here it costs abotu $450 MINIMUM!!!! And to make things even better, I told her I wanted to book Gus an appt. She said..."Well mam, you can just bring him in, as long as he hasnt had anything to eat the night before." WHAT???? Unheard of! Then she asked my name, so I said..."Sarah Gross...G-R-O"
Vet "Oh no, I dont need you to spell it. I'm not writing it down. I just wanted to know it so that when you come in with your golden doodle, I'll be able to put a face to a name"

My oh my...Gus, I don't think we're in DC anymore.....

So....friendly people, inexpensive service, walk-in neutering....point Altus. :)

And so it begins.....again

Our little family is staring down the barrel of a massive move. Halfway between the only two places I've ever called home, and close to no one we know. An adventure? From what I've heard from other AF wives, Home is where the AF Sends You, and each duty station is only what you make of it. So I'm determined to make it home. And a fabulous one at that.

I cant help but think of the last time I made such a move. All by myself. Across the country to a new place for college. Almost 10 years ago to the day. I was 18 with dreams of attending great lectures, meeting girlfriends, falling in love, exploring the East Coast...My fears? losing touch with my friends, being far away from my family....failing by not figuring out exactly who I am or what I wanted to do with my life.

So here I am 10 years later. I completed my bachelors degree. Held 5 jobs. Had 15 roomates. Lived in 13 different places. Married. Became a mother.... Did I acomplish my goals? The great lectures I cant really remember...although I'm sure there were some. Girlfriends? If you know me at all, you know I am incredibly blessed with amazing women in my life. The best thing I got from the Mount....my girls. Falling in love? Check. After learning many lessons from trying to love the wrong type of person, in the blink of an eye I fell in love with the most amazing man I've ever known. Lucky me...he fell for me too.

And for my fears? Yes, I lost touch with some friends. But life happens, and I'm lucky enough to have two that are still dear....despite the distance. And family...its still hard to be so far away. And as far as not figuring out who I am or what I want to do with my life...well....I havent really. But I dont see that as a failure anymore. I think its all part of the journey....because if you have it all figured out...well, wheres the fun in that?

So.....goals and fears for the next chapter?

Goals:
Cherish Lucy's youth as much as possible. Play, sing, and learn with her. Capture memories.
Nurture the friendships I have now, and make new ones.

Fears:
Deployment.
No Target :) (seriously though....what am I going to do? And dont say shop online because thats just not the same.....)
Losing touch with friends.

So my fears? 2 are pretty much unavoidable, and I'll have to roll with the punches. And, in all truth, I dont think my friends will let me lose touch. If I am half as lucky in this next journey as I have been in this one, I can count myself among the luckiest....

So stay tuned....I'll keep you updated with our adventures. Moving day is just over 2 months away!